do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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