The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
