Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
