If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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