So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
