You just made me feel so damn special
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
