jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
