Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
