I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
