It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
