ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
