John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
