If that was your dad, he is hot
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
