awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
