theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
