I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
