When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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