I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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