I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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