the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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