funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
