SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
