my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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