i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you will always have a special place in my vag
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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