i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
