bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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