maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
