Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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