She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
