Welp...herpes.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
