fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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