I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
