Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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