Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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