I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
