I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
