Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
