OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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