How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
