I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
