yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
