Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
