She announced her abortion via fbk
time to smoke my breakfast
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
