I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
