I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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