Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
