I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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