I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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