He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
