you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You made out with two different species that night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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